I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
