ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
