then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
