I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i now understand why vodka
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
