what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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