i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
