I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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