If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
