It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize