you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
