Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
