one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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