She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
