I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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