I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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