I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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