Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
