Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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