Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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