at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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