how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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