u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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