I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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