you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
