For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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