My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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