We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
