Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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