She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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