Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
