I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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