made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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