Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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