Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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