Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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