Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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