Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
