So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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