This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
