LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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