it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
