I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
