Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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