I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
