break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
