singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she pinky promised me she was 18
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
