I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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