Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
