What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize