I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
