I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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