u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MIDGETS
????
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
