It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
