I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
