My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
