Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
