So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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