My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize