Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
