Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
