I just threw up on my dentist
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
