is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
