It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
