Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When are your genitals available?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
