I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize