The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
