Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
