For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
