Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
