Moan for me like Helen Keller
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
