youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
