as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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